The problem with having a language is the belief that our emotions should have a corresponding verbal expression.
Emotions are primordial. They don’t correlate well with words, despite thousands of years of expressing them that way.
Dogs could teach us a lot on that subject. They manage to express emotion and support without any verbal language at all.
As a reminder to those in bad relationships, those between relationships, those who think that there is “only one person destined for me and I can’t find them.”
There are no soul mates. To read the logical analysis of that, click on the link. Or just take my word for it.
I think this myth is one of the most destructive ones persisting in the world today. On a personal level, not, obviously, on a global one.
The amount of expectation you put on another human being when you expect them to be the one and only person who can be your one true love is terrifying.
The expectation itself is almost guaranteed to destroy the relationship.
When we expect to find our one true soul mate we tend to think that all of the loneliness and general feeling of restless unhappiness in our lives will go away once this person arrives.
Studies show that mutual love does temporarily makes us giddy with happiness, but that levels off and the underlying problems in our lives do not disappear.
Then we worry that this person is perhaps just someone we love, but is not THE ONE. Should we move on and keep looking? How will we know? Is there a guide?
So we leave them because we are still feeling not happy in life generally and the soul mate was supposed to solve that.
Or consider the scenario where we feel like so much caca when a relationship doesn’t work out and we felt sure this person was our one true love. What does that mean for the future? That we have to settle? That we are so broken even our soul mate can’t stand us?
Or worse than leaving a potentially good relationship, we stay in a destructive relationships with thoughts like – “it’s a volatile relationship, but I still love him. He’s my soul mate.” When the reality is that it’s more like a soul sucking mate.
There are no soul mates. It would be a mathematical impossibility to find a soul mate, if such a thing existed. Refer to above link for the proof.
Stop worrying so much about it and enjoy the happy moments with the person you are with. If you aren’t getting enough happy moments, ditch them like dirt water and find the next person who makes you feel happy and comfortable most of the time you are with them. Or choose to be happy alone. But don’t let another person drag you into a never ending bog of unhappiness.
All the remembered and current events in my life change when I stare at them.
The way they look depends on how my brain is feeling at the time.
When my brain is seeing them from the cesspools of depression, all of my actions look like failures, all the events look like disasters, and I am a pretty bad person all around.
When my brain is seeing them from a healthy happy perspective, all of those same actions are reframed into necessary actions, learning curves, challenges I can find a silver lining for and I’m a pretty decent human.
Everything in my life is framed by my mental disposition at the time. Nothing has a black and white truth.
Humans don’t have a solid line inside of them that we can use to judge the world or our own actions with any accuracy. So we reach out to some outside reference point because if we look too long at the ever changing landscape of our past, we start to recognize the wavering nature of our reality and truth becomes a hazy construct.
We realize – Nothing is ever true.
That is the attraction of looking outside of ourself for some unchangeable set of truths by which to measure our life. That is the attraction of fundamentalist religion.
The GOP in the Senate has refused to have hearings if Obama presents them with a nominee.
The GOP is refusing to do what is not just their ethical duty as Senators, but their LEGAL duty. “he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint … Judges of the supreme Court.” (Article 2)
There is a danger here that is not to be ignored.
The entire government of the United States is based on the legal power of the Constitution. When one of the most powerful parts of the government decides not follow the Constitution, to break the law, we are facing a terrifying future.
Because if the people we elect are not constrained by the constitution then they can do whatever they want. They have no limits. We will be paying them to follow whatever base desires for power, or destruction, or greed that they choose.
We are facing a critical juncture here. No matter what your politics, the constitution is the spine of our freedom, our rights and our country. It cannot be ignored merely because it is not convenient or for ANY reason.
Even if they wait until after the election, what is the precedent? Where is the cutoff? Does it set up a future payback from the Democrats if the Senate Majority changes. Its insanity that must be cutoff at the knees.
We must not allow the Senate to pretend they have the right to do this. We ought to stand in the streets all over this country protesting the criminality of a group of people who have so lost touch with reality that they think they can rewrite their constitutional obligations. That they can be criminals and its OK because they are Senators.
We need to wake them up. Please write your senator and object to this. Do not let the Senate ignore their legal obligation.
Its a compilation of amazing and often stupid things people have been filmed doing.
Extreme feats generally – like jumping off buildings, acrobatic impossibilities, rolling a car, etc.
Almost all of the things are deliberately done and done with skill. Which is why I like them.
I think about what someone from 1816 would think while watching these videos. Were there people who could do such amazing things then? Or are these strange extremes a sign of how much leisure time we have today? Or in many cases, how much spendable money we have.
I don’t really have a desire to do most of the things in these videos. But I do have a desire to have that level of commitment to achievement. The energy and motivation to push myself to the limit of my ability. I have never had that. Mostly because I have no idea where to find the energy/motivation.
But its inspiring to know it’s possible.
In Nantucket, they found a dildo in a chimney. It seems probable that it belonged to the wife of a sailor, circa 18th century. It was used because her husband was at sea for so long.
So much for the New England puritanical morality.
I’m going to step out on a limb and wonder if that dildo didn’t get some action when husband was at home too.
Indeed, I’m going to wonder how many spinsters figured out how to get a hold of one for their own sexual gratification.
There are dildos from the Upper Paleolithic era. The ruins of Pompeii were littered with them. Its not a new thing. And yet we still don’t talk about them much. We are far more willing to talk about men’s masturbation then women’s.
I’m wondering if they talked about them in the upper paleolithic era? Was there a time when there was no shame associated with it? When did it become a shame thing? I suppose when sex itself became shameful.
I just washed my sheets and put put on a clean nightgown and now I’m sitting in bed feeling all kinds of lovely.
Its these tiny familiar moments – little things that can be savored that make life worthwhile.
There are quite a few of these moments in life, but we tend not to savor them. To take a moment and just luxuriate in their comfort.
I would argue that these moments are very best moments in our life.
The very safe warmth of being cuddled by someone you love.
The feeling of being gifted something precious that is created when a cat curls up and purrs next to you.
The feeling of unbroken love that emanates from a toddler who hugs you.
The feeling of home and nostalgia that comes from a familiar kitchen smell.
The feeling of love from seeing something created for you by your grandmother.
They are everywhere. Look for them. These tiny moments that make you aware of life being rather fine after all.
You can usually find or create at least one per week if not a solid half dozen.
Put your soul in the front of your post. Blaze the content of your idea in your title. Entice me to keep reading, don’t place a word barrier in front of your thoughts. Sing them to me immediately.
Don’t do the meta part at the top a post. Don’t say that you are now going to write a post about a thing because you are participating in a thing. Don’t repeat the obvious first lines that every other person doing a version of this post also repeated.
Meta is utterly boring. If it is a necessary part of the post in someway – put it at the bottom.
The reader only shows a few lines and if those lines are full of meta, I am not seeing anything that is enticing me to click to see the rest of the post.
Don’t put the meta in the headline except possibly as a tag at the end.
Just put the original content of the post front and center. Its the part that its interesting. Its the part people want to read.
If possible don’t include meta at all.
I realize that I’m more or less telling a great many people to stop doing something that is heavily embedded in the WordPress culture. But its not an attractive part of the culture. Its a thing that gets in the way of showing your creativity and blocks the interesting content.
I don’t think its bad to have things that prompt people to write certain things, in particular if they have a hard time finding things to write about. I don’t think its bad to have things that people participate in as a group writing about similar themes. I think these are all things that promote social community and help writers.
But placing those things as word barrier in front of the part of your post that is interesting and unique to you is hurting you. I for one have skipped people’s posts because of the barrier. And I really don’t think I’m the only one.
Crazy question, right? I was just listening to a podcast, where a 20 year old woman was facing the question because her mother wanted her to be baptized when they went to visit a relative who was a minister.
When this person mentioned she didn’t know if she should since she really didn’t think she believed in God, her mother was upset.
On the one hand, if you don’t believe then why not go through the ritual that will make your mother happy. Where is the bad? Its not like you believe the ritual itself will have an impact on you and where is the purpose in making a big deal over something will just hurt someone you love. Especially when doing it will offer comfort to someone you love.
Where is the point or importance in standing up for a NON belief. Making a statement like that for no purpose, that you know will hurt someone, is not kindness or helpful.
On the other hand, there is a respect issue. This is the one I struggle with.
When I was a child I went to mass with my best friend who was catholic. My mother carefully told me not to take the sacrament because it would disrespectful as I was not catholic and it would be considered rude. This sense of respecting another person’s belief was then inoculated into me.
When I was a teenager I spent the night a jewish friend’s house. They were kosher and at breakfast I put salami on my bagel with cream cheese. It caused something of an uproar. It was deeply embarrassing and while I did it in ignorance, it was perceived as disrespect and insolence. It was hurtful to them.
So, now I am very aware of how my lack of belief may be perceived in religious settings. For example, when my friend’s husband died, I went to the funeral mass. It felt somewhat hypocritical and even a bit disrespectful to sit through a ritual that has a great deal of meaning for many people there and I see no point to it. Ultimately I went to because my support was more important to her than any perceived disrespect by people who didn’t mean as much to me.
The girl who is contemplating being baptized hypocritically may very well offend the minister who would consider the ritual of great importance and its importance would stem entirely on the belief of the person being baptized.
Its a hard question, whether it is better to not hurt your mother or to not be disrespectful.
If I have to make an either/or choice, I think I will alway choose the people I love and offering them kindness over any possible disrespect.
People have a way of dehumanizing people who have any form of celebrity (for lack of a better word for being well known) There is a sense that once a person is well known they no longer have any feeling, any necessity of kindness. They become a thing, rather than a person.
We think its fine to say cruel and terrible things about them. As though they won’t see it?
We think its fine to say cruel and terrible things TO them on social media. As though this won’t be painful to them?
We think its OK that their privacy is invaded, that people follow them around to take pictures of them, that people interrupt their daily lives just to say hello, get a picture or a photograph, that their love life, their mistakes and their tragedies are written about in gruesome detail.
WHY?
Why do we dehumanize people that are well known? Very often we are doing this to people we claim to love. Some actor or model or singer will lose most of their private life because the people who love them have deemed that it belongs to them now. We think that is OK.
And I just don’t understand WHY we think this is OK. Its wrong. I can’t think of one valid ethical reason why someone who is well known has no right to privacy. No right to emotional well being and general kindness.
When Princess Diana died, I thought we would all have a “oh shit, we did this” moment and we would recognize that this cultural behavior is WRONG. But no. We just keep rolling along removing the human from celebrities.
And I just do NOT understand why.
It's a Thought 