Things I just can’t deal with right now.

Life Generally.

Flat tire, specifically.

I had a flat at work about 3 weeks ago.  I work for a transportation company, so I just refilled the tire and watched it.  It kept inflated for weeks.  I thought perhaps it was an April Fools joke as it happened on April’s Fool Eve.

But today, the tire is flat.  Indeed, it was flat yesterday.  My neighbor knocked on my door to tell me.  I was feeling like the struggle bus had run over me and then he showed up with more cheery news.

I ignored it.  I have a portable electric air pump.  But it does need to be plugged in and that is where it all sort of falls apart.  I live on the second floor of the building but I don’t have an extension cord long enough to handle it.

I also have a roadside assistance contract.  They will come and change the tire.  Presumably they might have an air pump as an alternative option.  But it’s not a guarantee.  I cannot change the tire.  I know this from previous attempts, when I was in better shape than I currently am.  I have little to no upper body strength,

Right now my trunk is full of various forms of detritus that have formed in the last 7 years.  It’s in desperate need of a clean out.  And if I call roadside assistance, I’m gonna need to clean it out, so the spare can be removed.   My desire to do that clean out of the trunk is damn near nil.  But it must be done.

All of this is just me whining about a perfectly normal hitch in life, which the stillness in my brain has enlarged into a mountain of gargantuan size.  So much so that my plan to take care of it today did  not happen.

 

The Rules

Outside my window are children who are in the midst of deciding rules for their game.  Arguments have ensued.  I have been sick for 2 days this week.  I know they will resolve this and eventually play a complicated game of hide and seek that they understand and no one else does.

But everyday they seemed to spend at least 20 minutes arguing over the rules.  Children are very keenly aware of justice.  I think humans are born with an awareness of fairness.  Perhaps many animals are.  Remember being in grade school or younger and  how deeply an unfairness felt?  This is probably the most unfair thing the uncaring universe does to us.  Equip us with a sense of justice in a universe that is essentially indifferent to justice.

The absolute unfairness of the universe has not yet been taught to children. They tattle to any figure of authority that is within their reach because telling the injustice feels like it will resolve it.  Perhaps the unknowable universe will resolve itself and make this injustice go away.  But of course it doesn’t.

Of course, our innate sense of justice is what led to society working.  To the rules and laws that make a civilization work.  But it does warp itself as society gets bigger and more complex.    And as we grow up and realize that justice is only fleeting and rarely applied.  You could almost apply the rule of speeding tickets to all of life.  How often do you speed?  How often do you get a ticket?  One begins to think the injustice is when justice actually targets you.

But the reality is that the universe is indifferent to justice or fairness.  You get a speeding ticket or cancer, not because you did or did not deserve it, but just because the universe is random.  Which feels so unfair, doesn’t it?