So yesterday afternoon, I heard a driver walk in and say – “Traffic is backing up because a chicken is crossing the road.” I assumed he was being facetious about the way idiots drive in weather. It had been raining all day. For days.
But as it turns out. Nope. A chicken literally crossed the road and began wandering around our parking lot. Across the road is an empty White Castle building and a check cashing place. Behind them is a shopping plaza. Yeah – who knows where the chicken came from. Someone suggested that some homeless people were keeping chickens in the scrabble behind the check cashing place. Seems… unlikely? But then again a chicken had crossed the road.
We are a transportation company, so it’s not a good place for chickens. At least not ones that wish to maintain their healthy well being. But this chicken would not be caught. Several people chased it to much comic effect, but no one caught it. Chickens are smarter than city people is my takeaway from that.
So, as we had work to do, we left the chicken to it’s own devices. Or I did. The rest of the office was on full chicken alert. Calls were made, plans were devised, various people with “chicken experience” were consulted. Meanwhile the chicken made itself at home by hopping on a window sill to roost.
After much debate, animal control was called but they wanted money to pick up a chicken. I was pretty sure the boss would pay for it, so I went in to tell her about the chicken. I think other than watching a chicken chase around a bunch of young men, that was my favorite part of the chicken incident. She, quite naturally, was incredulous. We had to walk her out to meet the chicken.
In the meantime, someone remembered that we actually had a coworker who raises chickens. So the animal control option was dropped.
A dispatcher walked out and caught the chicken with literally NO FUSS. In complete contrast to the city slickers who ran around the parking lot like a bunch of idiots. Spending as much time being chased as chasing the chicken.
Someone who lives a few blocks away had gone home and gotten a pet cage. We put the chicken the pet cage with bird seed and water. A Bus Driver who raises chickens was going to take the chicken home to add to her flock. And then sadly all the chicken chaos was over.
I remind myself of this often. In my previous position I always finished all the work on my desk before I left. It was the standard and I can could on one hand with fingers left how many times I was unable to do that.
But now my job is not like that. I find that stressful. But when it starts to be like that I remind myself of my Mom quoting one of her favorite mystery detectives, “Tomorrow is also a day”. The work will still be on my desk. It’s not going to run away or explode if I wait another day. And nearly always the following day I can wrap up all the odds and ends of both days. Which is satisfying. But it is distinctly NOT satisfying to leave work on the desk.
Today was a horrid day. Following a fairly horrid Holiday Weekend. Horridness created entirely by my brain, no one else to blame, although I did do a bit of projection and spent 2 days blaming 2 inept employees whose combined idiocy made my job significantly more annoying and time consuming. They were inept, and did make many fairly ludicrous mistakes. All of which cost the company less than 200 dollars. Probably. Unless some long term potential karma on them kicks in. But let’s hope not.
But my anger and reaction generally to their stupidity was outsized. As is usual when my brain is lobbing grenades around. I gave one old man such a verbal lashing that I rather thought I might have to go the principles office to discuss it. But so far that hasn’t happened. Perhaps because the Principle (company president) was off today. Not that she is EVER anything but kind to me. But honestly. I treated that old man like a 12 year old who broke the rules. And I told everyone who would listen that the company is just paying him to breathe.
This kind of thing makes me feel even more shitty about myself. I was on the verge of tears several times. In fact a couple may have forced their way to the surface. Which I find embarrassing and humiliating and deeply overdramatic. A thing that can be said about the entire day. Overdramatic. Self Involved.
At several points today I became convinced that I just need to find a new job. But of course it’s not the job. It’s my brain. I’m so tired of this brain. It’s been on the attack for days. It started on Thanksgiving and hasn’t given me rest since. I feel like I’m back in the place I was 6 years ago. Feeling alone, abandoned, worthless, off balance and without direction. All the progress I thought I had made to mitigate a lot of those feelings seems to have evaporated for no apparent reason.
But tomorrow is also a day. And hopefully it will not be quite so emotionally explosive. A good night of sleep will no doubt help. Perhaps if I allow myself some space, it will recede. But I don’t have the money to give myself the space of time off and the weekend did not help so probably not. If only I can come out of the trenches and act like a normal. Pretend to be one anyway. I miss my old self. I feel like she was a better person than I am. But maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she was just better at hiding her horrid side from herself?
I wonder if I have any vacation left. I should check. Before I give any of these inept old men a stroke.