Staycation Life Update

This week I’m off work. Not doing anything except recovering my equilibrium. I was feeling my mental state getting too close the edge of the abyss. And I just did not want to fall in. So I took off a week.

Already I’m feeling better. So I think it was a good choice.

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I only have one, possibly two work related things I need to do. One is to catch up a report that I’ve been neglecting all month. It’s tedious and it’s easy to say to myself, I don’t have time today. It’s supposed to be done daily. I think I’ve got 5 days in the report so far.

The other is to possibly go into work for a visit from a tech guy for our reservation/dispatch system. I have thoughts I want to share. Many, many thoughts.

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I have become addicted to a game on my phone called Wordscapes. Like I just started playing 3 weeks ago and I’m on level 1241. Each puzzle is a level. I hate when computers make pretending it’s not that bad impossible. At least it’s a mind exercise, but it is far too easy to do the game rather than do my life.

I find it easier to break a habit by replacing it with another habit. So I bought an embroidery kit to see if I can start a new habit to keep my life occupied. At least there is a sense that I accomplished something tangible with the embroidering

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I’ve recently become obsessed with keyboards. I want a mechanical one. Like we had in the old days. Where there was a tangible click when you pressed down. And you could feel the key go all the way down. And the keyboard wasn’t flat but had a pleasant upward curve.

I know it’s probably a bit more fatiguing to your hand if you have to type a lot, but I am mostly not typing long form. I’m working in accounting software. I mostly use 10key skills. And doing 10 key wants to feel more like I associate with those horrible giant adding machines. So I want to have a mechanical keyboard.

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I have decided that the small daily changes – like a different keyboard are the things that make life better. So many things in life that we just accept, but are not really that comfortable. So I’m going to start paying attention to those things. See if I can get my life to feel more like it’s moving smoothly, rather than being dragged over gravel.

To the Doctor or Not to the Doctor

That is the question.

I have Iritis. Which can be summed up by saying my left eye waters and is deeply painful. But only periodically.

It’s started a periodic. The treatment is prednisone eye drops. I have left over from last time, but I probably only have 4 or 5 drops left.

To get more I must visit the doctor. I don’t enjoy doctors. Mostly because getting my ass into a different pattern of action – ie going to the doctor’s office is hard. Depression has this thing where it wants to keep doing what ever it is currently doing. It’s super stupid.

Anywho. Sometimes the pain goes away after just a few treatments. Sometimes it lasts for more than a week and the drops take 3-4 days to touch the problem.

Also, and really kind of super important, even if it goes away before the drops run out, then I won’t have the back up drops for the next episode. This means I would suffer for many days before I can get into see the doctor.

Finally – I don’t want to go because what if it’s worse. What if I’m going blind? What if the next step is some horror, like eye surgery or something??? Ignorance is not bliss, but it is a numb alternative to bad news.

This is definitely a boring post. However it did help me work my brain through it’s spaghetti reasoning and come the to conclusion that I should call for an appointment.

sigh.

cranky kid

Unintentional Poetry

The Moon Follows you where ever you go.
Hold on to my purse.
Don’t let go of my Purse.
Whereever you are the moon is too.

Tonight in the grocery store parking lot I was followed out by a Mother and heard her saying this to her toddler aged child. I turned around because it struck me as so beautiful.

The Moon Follows You Whereever you Go.

Followed without pause with the anxious admonishment of a mother with her hands full of grocery bags and unable to hold the hand she so desperately wants to grab.

And then, again without pause, a reiteration of the beautiful idea of the moon being our constant companion.

She never raised her voice. I, as an adult who has shepherded children in hazardous areas, heard her anxiety. I don’t think the toddler did. He was focused on the wonder of the moon.

She covered all of a mother’s nature in that one unintentional poem. Teaching and Protecting.

Reasons I want to Drink

My coworker in a 2 associate team is on vacation. We recruit a backup for her from the call center.

It was a hectic day today. I had a regularly scheduled person who helps on Mondays when we are Extremely busy. Usually my coworker manages her and I only have her for 3 or 4 hours. But they changed her hours to match mine and damn it’s hard to manage someone inexperienced while trying to do your own job.

But. That’s NOT the reason I want to drink. The replacement co-worker pointed out that my regular coworker has not been marking sales tax on her invoicing for a very large account. Presumably the total amount billed is correct, I have not checked. PLEASE UNIVERSE, LET THE BILLED AMOUNT BE CORRECT. But because she has not been doing this, I have not reported those taxes collected and they have not been paid.

Taxes. NOT paid.

The thing is – she did it correctly for about 7 months and then in March she just did it randomly and in April only 4 items and after that…

I have NO idea what was going on in her mind. But I do know that I report the taxable payable amount to the owners of the company and they faithfully pay that amount to the state.

And it was wrong since March. By a not insignificant amount. This puts them in danger of audit and fines etc.

I love my co-worker. But she works too fast. That’s her key strength but it’s also her weakness. I worry that her desire to get my work started before I arrive is causing her to let important things slide. She likes to be the hero who helps people.

And I worry that telling my bosses that the last 4 months of tax reporting I did for them was wrong. Because they will want to know why. And then I will be throwing my friend under the bus.

She’s on vacation. I talk to her regularly by text but I’m not going to ruin her vacation with this nightmare. Still it’s giving me stomach issues. I can’t tell them without telling her first. But that’s a weeks wait. sigh.

Drinking seems like a decent solution to get through the week. If only it had no next day consequences.

Confession: I hate the Forth of July.

I live in a city and state that allows every Tom, Dick and Harry to shoot off fireworks. And in my neighborhood, they do. They start days before, often before dark and it goes on for weeks afterwards.

Loud unexpected noises make me jump and more than occasionally scream. However, I haven’t screamed this year. In the case of the fireworks – it sets all my fight or flight nerves on edge and I end up with some irrational anxiety over things I know won’t hurt me in my bedroom.

I have one neighbor who doesn’t go for the sparkly fireworks that go off with a muted pop. He enjoys the bombs. He sets them off days before and continues straight through. And then just randomly during the summer he will get a hankering and just shoot off a dozen or so. It a nightmare.

Last night another neighbor started his fireworks at 11 pm and kept it going to 1 am. Thankfully it was all sparkly muted pops. But still – its a bit much.

Then there’s the guy who in the midst of the biggest mess of fireworks going on all over the damn city pulls out a gun and starts shooting in the air. Now, I know I’m being a killjoy here, but bullets shot straight up have to come down somewhere. People have died that way too. And that doesn’t even account for the blood alcohol level of someone handling a live weapon. Well. Lets face it. I am a killjoy.

I don’t make a thing about it to anyone who is enjoying their family fireworks. I just complain to friends and write a whining blog about it.

I just think that in a sane world – fireworks would only be handled by professionals. And set off in public places far from me.

Grouchy Sara is grouchy.

ANNOYED HUSKY