To the Doctor or Not to the Doctor

That is the question.

I have Iritis.  Which can be summed up by saying my left eye waters and is deeply painful.  But only periodically.

It’s started a periodic.  The treatment is prednisone eye drops.  I have left over from last time, but I probably only have 4 or 5 drops left.

To get more I must visit the doctor.  I don’t enjoy doctors.  Mostly because getting my ass into a different pattern of action – ie going to the doctor’s office is hard.  Depression has this thing where it wants to keep doing what ever it is currently doing.  It’s super stupid.

Anywho.  Sometimes the pain goes away after just a few treatments.  Sometimes it lasts for more than a week and the drops take 3-4 days to touch the problem.

Also, and really kind of super important, even if it goes away before the drops run out, then I won’t have the back up drops for the next episode.  This means I would suffer for many days before I can get into see the doctor.

Finally – I don’t want to go because what if it’s worse.  What if I’m going blind?  What if the next step is some horror, like eye surgery or something???  Ignorance is not bliss, but it is a numb alternative to bad news.

This is definitely a boring post.  However it did help me work my brain through it’s spaghetti reasoning and come the to conclusion that I should call for an appointment.

sigh.