There are no Soul Mates

As a reminder to those in bad relationships, those between relationships, those who think that there is “only one person destined for me and I can’t find them.”

There are no soul mates.  To read the logical analysis of that, click on the link.  Or just take my word for it.

I think this myth is one of the most destructive ones persisting in the world today.  On a personal level, not, obviously, on a global one.

The amount of expectation you put on another human being when you expect them to be the one and only person who can be your one true love is terrifying.

The expectation itself is almost guaranteed to destroy the relationship.

When we expect to find our one true soul mate we tend to think that all of the loneliness and general feeling of restless unhappiness in our lives will go away once this person arrives.

Studies show that mutual love does temporarily makes us giddy with happiness, but that levels off and the underlying problems in our lives do not disappear.

Then we worry that this person is perhaps just someone we love, but is not THE ONE.  Should we move on and keep looking?  How will we know?  Is there a guide?

So we leave them because we are still feeling not happy in life generally and the soul mate was supposed to solve that.

Or consider the scenario where we feel like so much caca when a relationship doesn’t work out and we felt sure this person was our one true love.  What does that mean for the future?  That we have to settle?  That we are so broken even our soul mate can’t stand us?

Or worse than leaving a potentially good relationship, we stay in a destructive relationships with thoughts like – “it’s a volatile relationship, but I still love him.  He’s my soul mate.”  When the reality is that it’s more like a soul sucking mate.

There are no soul mates.  It would be a mathematical impossibility to find a soul mate, if such a thing existed.  Refer to above link for the proof.

Stop worrying so much about it and enjoy the  happy moments with the person you are with.  If you aren’t getting enough happy moments, ditch them like dirt water and find the next person who makes you feel happy and comfortable most of the time you are with them.  Or choose to be happy alone.  But don’t let another person drag you into a never ending bog of unhappiness.

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9 thoughts on “There are no Soul Mates

  1. I agree the the romanticized view of “soul mates” is a myth. But I do think they can be built when two people, either best friends, or a romantic couple spend so much time together, are so invested in each other, that they become one mind in the majority of their ways.
    I get these really funny moments with my husband when we say the same things at the same time, or we both get the same thing from the store, or want to head to the same restaurant. We just know what each other needs. We didn’t get there instantly. But we got here over 25 years of making the effort.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not sure I necessarily believe in soul mates, even though I’ve been with my husband for over 23 years. He is my best friend and we complement each other but neither of us is perfect. He gets me though and I understand him and that bond only grows stronger as the years go on.

    Liked by 1 person

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