That I’m actually considering buying a product that is almost certainly a sham.
Its set of headphones, called Nervana, that stimulate the vagus nerve and its supposed to make you feel good for a few minutes up to an hour. Its $300.
Its probably a load of crap. But I want it to be real. I want to find a few moments of relief and so I’m considering spending $300 I don’t really have on the very unlikely possibility that it will work.
As you can see, I’m quite aware that it’s about as likely to help me homeopathy. But my brain just won’t stop reaching for that tiny possibility – maybe it will work. Maybe, just maybe I can buy a few minutes of relief.
If it works it would be utterly worth the money to me. If it didn’t, which is more likely, it will just add one more log onto the bonfire of my self loathing.
This is why I get angry at people who offer sham hope to people with a mental illness. Because the desperate and terrible need for some form of relief is much stronger than the rational analytical part of the brain. And they take advantage. And then later, we, the duped, have one more story to add to the horror show in our brains, when we remember that one time we tried that thing that we hoped would work, but didn’t.
They aren’t on sale yet. Maybe I will crawl high enough in hole that it won’t be tempting when they actually do go on sale.