I have a cat for sale, swap, or frankly you can just have her no questions asked.

LILY BEING LILYType:  Brown Tabby, generally considered cute.  Often considered a Pest.

Gender: Female but without necessary connections for reproduction.

Name:  Lily

Description:  Well, right now I’m typing this with her chin on one of my hands. So.  I guess you could call her “involved”.   I call it annoying.

She enjoys computers.  She will be the means by which you learn a great many things about how to unfuck computers, short cut keys and that sort of thing.  She’s basically a computer tutor.  She fucks it up, you fix it.

She doesn’t eat much.  (due to chronic feline renal failure).  However, she makes up for that by throwing up on a semi regular basis.  Think of her as a home decorator.

This model of feline releases small barely detectable parts of herself… everywhere.  They accumulate into very detectable piles.  They will adhere to all of your clothing, furniture, carpet, walls, food.  When you clean them up, she will watch and be mildly offended at your disposal of her discarded parts.  She is everywhere even when she isn’t.

Your requirements:  She likes to sleep with you.  But is very particular about the set up.  There will be a great deal of back and forth under the covers while you hold the covers up.  YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO HOLD UP THE COVERS during the settling in process.  Your time and annoyance investment in her position will make it less likely that you will ever move because moving will require a new resettlement procedure, so DON’T MOVE.

You will be required to run back and forth through the home as though you are another cat playing chase.  This is required only 2-3x a week as this feline is older and not feeling well often.  Think of her as your fitness coach.

You will worry.  Incessantly.  About the how little she eats, how terrible she feels and how much you wish you could make it better for her.  This isn’t a requirement so much as an involuntary response to her love and condition.

Benefits:  She loves you.  Always and completely.

Maybe I’ll keep her.

5 thoughts on “I have a cat for sale, swap, or frankly you can just have her no questions asked.

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