If I were Empress of the World, Fireworks would only be allowed in the hands of professionals. Not to protect the idiots. That’s just a random benefit. This is because they IRRITATE me.
I just don’t get them. They are noisy and entirely anticlimactic in backyards all over America. One gets set off, and may indeed be momentarily sparkly, but now you have to wait 10 minutes while a group of boozy people huddle about and organize another one. And let’s face it, that sparkle, that one rocket of sparkles, it wasn’t that great compared to the professional show of artistry that the City puts on.
And then there’s the noise. Now I recognize that the noise is why a huge number of people like the damn things, but the noise is what I hate. It’s actually not the noise, it’s the UNEXPECTED noise. I will spend this entire weekend jumping because of the bangs and pops that will go off all around me.
Because of my Anxiety, I startle embarrassingly easily. So when it’s a noise that would startle anyone, I move toward the precipice of Panic.
So, in my role as your Empress, I would probably just ban them from everyday citizens. However, I would compromise by making it illegal to set them off except on pre-designated nights.
AND you would have to have a signed note from your lover that you don’t have issues with premature… firing.
If you shoot off any night prior to the night of the designated Holiday, you will be fined. Money will be given to the local GAD society.
If you shoot off anytime on any day when it is still light out, you will be publically humiliated for being unable to control your premature firing of rockets. And fined. Naturally.
Damn, I’m so crotchety. It’s just a silly thing that people love to do and I’m the person telling everyone to shut up and get off my lawn.
But, really, STOP with the damn fireworks. One just went off while I was typing this. 2pm on July 2nd. They’ve been going off for a week. They will go off for 2 weeks after.