Have I ever told you about Grandma M.G.?

Grandma M.G. was my father’s mother. She wore a make up and a wig and smelled of Chanel #5.

She was glamorous.  Always and forever. When I was little she would arrive in Puerto Rico, where the weather was 85F pretty well year round in a gorgeous designer wool suit with a fur stole.

She then shed these “traveling clothes” for her resort wear.  Also chic.  Also perfectly appointed and considered outfits.  With matching head scarves and colorful jewelry and sandals that matched her outfit’s color to perfection.  Much luggage was necessary.

Every morning I would sneak into her room and watch her put on her “face”.  She had a very ritualistic and precise process of make up.  It was artistry and magic to me.

Grandma M.G. was born in South Africa, the daughter of an Englishman who worked in the Ministry of Agriculture.  Her mother was French.   Her uncle was a big game hunter.  When you are 10 years old these things all seem very glamorous and exotic.  When you are 18 the reality of it begins to dawn on you.  When you are in college in the 1980s and there are demonstration in the U.S. against Apartheid in South Africa, it makes the glamour turn to shame.

When you are 50 years old, you realize that humans live in their time and place.  I don’t know if my great grandfather did anything overtly horrible or just worked in a system that treated humans like garbage under foot.  Or if he treated the people he met with dignity regardless of race.

I will never know and it won’t ultimately have any impact on my life.  Which is odd, since I carry his DNA in me.  But his actions may still have some unknown effect on the people who live in South Africa.  In the same way that they say a butterfly beating its wings in the Amazon will cause a typhoon in the South Pacific.  Each action spawns others and those new actions spawn more and more… And now it’s impossible to say what the outcomes of a man who lived 100 years ago are.

Which is an accurate summary of human existence everywhere and we would do well to remember it.  Your genetic inheritance may affect your health and appearance, but it’s unlikely that it will ever have the large long term impact of your actions.  The long term effects may not be predictable but the short term ones are predictable enough.  And kindness and helpfulness are always positive.

My grandmother left South Africa when she was 18, but I don’t think she ever let go of the conviction than race mattered.  I was in college when I realized that she thought the caucasian race was inherently superior.  It’s a terrible thing to know about someone you love so dearly.

Grandma M.G. was in almost everything the opposite of Grandma Allen, who never wore make up and was practical in all things, especially clothing.  Neat, practical and durable pretty well epitomized Grandma Allen.  But Grandma Allen was also a racist.  She was also born in a time of racism but in the state of Missouri.  But Grandma Allen did not die a racist.  She changed.  I don’t know if that is true of Grandma M.G.

Grandma Allen died surrounded by family and is mourned to this day by her children and grandchildren.  She mattered to so many people in her family and out.  Grandma M.G. did not inspire that level of love in so many people.  She was glamorous but not generous of herself.  She was was funny and charming but ultimately a bit selfish.  She was not alone when she died because Grandma Allen raised my mother, who cared for Grandma MG until her death.  My mom was always kind to her despite not being very fond of her.

I had two grandmothers, whom I loved very much.  But in the end, I want to be like Grandma Allen.  She lived a deeply successful life.  I’m afraid I’m more like Grandma M.G. who probably suffered from depression in later life.  She became reclusive and didn’t leave her room.

I wonder why knowing the path isn’t the same as walking it.  I want to walk the Path Grandma Allen took.  But I’m probably wandering around on Grandma M.G’s path.  The paths are marked on a map, but somehow the map isn’t the territory.

 

Bad Driving

I have become inordinately aware of bad driving in the last 3 years.  I mean startlingly bad driving.  At first I was blaming the era of cell/smart phones.  People looking at a phone drive badly.  But they’ve been around for awhile and I just became aware of this prevalent problem in the last 3 years.

Today I was noting that the driving was often deliberately bad.  Running lights, cutting off people to get in a lane, cutting through corner gas stations in order to avoid the light, random u-turns in high traffic areas.  All of this happened today while I was running errands.

I am currently living and working in lower socioeconomic areas and nearly my entire 20 drive to work is through those areas.  The previous 20 years of my life was spent in upper middle income areas.

So I wondered.  And I looked it up.  Yup.  Lower Socioeconomic areas have higher traffic fatalities and accidents.  Lots of studies on the correlation between them. But no real indication about causes.

And really I wonder what causes it.  Was it bad driving education or a general disregard for personal safety and property, or a general disregard for other people’s safety.

I’m aware that when your life crosses a certain line of terribleness you stop feeling much regard for other people generally.  I know that because I experienced it when I was homeless.  I had to consciously fight it and wasn’t particularly successful.  While its probable that everyone’s line of caring about others is in a different level of terribleness, but terribleness does abound in these areas.

I’m also aware that being depressed makes you a worse driver, you are more ruminative and disassociated from your surroundings.  This makes you less aware.

I wonder also how much of it is just owning a thing that is nice makes you want to keep it nice.  If you own a piece of shit car, there’s no need to drive to protect it.

Lots of potential causes, but I have no idea whether any or all or some variable combination is part of the issue.

But it does feel good to know I’m not imagining this really terrible driving I’ve been seeing.

Listed Under Bad Ideas

There is an editorial by David Harsanyi in the Washington Post about how we should require a civics test be passed before you are allowed to vote.

His solution to problem of ignorant people voting in Trump the Dumpster is to have a test. Apparently forgetting that not very long ago we used tests to systematically disenfranchise a whole race of people and we fixed that weeping sore on our historical backside for a reason.

His solution, sitting in his clear ivory tower of privilege, is that people who know who would be president if both the President and Vice President couldn’t serve, are the only people who should be able to decide what happens to the other 85% of the population.

Apparently knowing who will be the next President if Obama and Biden have Sudden Presidential Death Syndrome, doesn’t mean you understand the actual facts of the Civil Rights Law prohibiting voting practice that has a discriminatory effect. And I’m just gonna guess on the fact that if 85% of the population can’t pass a test, it’s discrimination.

It’s also apparent that knowing facts doesn’t give you any actual ability to make good choices.  Because Harsanyi knows the answers to the test but is clearly unable to wrap his noggin around the how disenfranchising a whole class of people who are the ones in need would NOT be an ideal situation.

Which points the reality of the problem.  It’s not whether we can name all the Constitutional amendments, it’s whether we can think about complex issues and how they relate to ourselves, the country as a whole and the world in its entirety.  It’s about being able to make choices based on evidence and ethics rather than emotion.  That requires a skill we have not been teaching with any success at school.  Critical Thinking.

The very CONCEPT, that we actually do something about educating people to make good decisions is too hard, costly and painful.  But putting up a test about naming all the constitutional amendments, that is simple, cheap and makes a good headline. It also happens to keep Harsanyi in the tiny powerful group who would get to make the choices for everyone.  And if Harsanyi had done any critical thinking AT ALL, it would be clear to him that there is already far too much of that going on in primaries.  The system is not representational.  Let’s not make it worse.

And let’s discuss the very system that led us here.  Our election process has devolved into a 24 month Reality Show, run by power and money.  It has little to do with getting the best people in office.  And it has NOTHING to do with getting candidates that represent the average voter.  As a result we get a stubby fingered Reality Show Freak, using a skill he’s honed to perfection on that reality show, to get into the office.  The very system that powerful people created to ensure their own interests was hacked by an Anal Sore.  Let’s fix that system before we decide that people who would vote for the Anal Sore should be excluded from voting, shall we?

Here’s the thing.  I’m not excited about ignorant racists voting in a Narcissistic Greedy and Probably Fascist Diarrhea Stain. (it’s possible I have emotions on this point)  But I’m also deeply aware that the people who drove the boat to this place have been struggling at the bottom of a skewed economy for awhile.  They have a right to change the direction the government that controls a good deal of that struggle.  And I would argue that they at least have more reason to be on that boat than the diehard educated Republicans who know the Dumpster is a Wet Fart in a Suit but will vote for him anyway because he’s the Republican Candidate.

What is SAD AND WRONG is the fact that struggling people are being duped and manipulated into thinking that the choices made by the Dumpster will help them.  They don’t understand because the system has let them down from childhood.  Poor education, has led to an inability to use critical thinking in their choices.   A continued lack of concern for their needs and struggles has led them to think that it makes little difference who is in the whitehouse so it might as well be the guy that is good at Reality Show Entertainment and says and does all the things that make them have “feels right” moments.

We cannot block the vote to people because we already let them down in preparing them to vote.  We can fix the system that has let down these people so we don’t continue to generate the problem.

And we can heap on a shitload of contempt for the well educated who vote for him anyway because they can’t think outside the Republican Shoe Box.

And finally, we can vote.  Because I continue to believe that there are more sensible people in the world than not.  So, please don’t miss that opportunity, even if you don’t like Clinton, you must vote for the option that makes more sense comparably.  And you and I both know that Clinton may represent that status quo, but she’s not a Worldwide Anal Leakage Disaster.

Salted Caramel & Chocolate Milanos: A Review

caramelmilano-01I have now eaten 2 cookies and feel fully qualified to give my naturally biased review.

I’m a bit disappointed.

I’m going to finish the bag.  Obviously.  I’m not disgusted and they ARE Milano, which I maintain are the pinnacle of pre-packaged manufactured cookies.  I think they have no real competition.

However, the current “salted caramel” tastes like a desperate and recently jilted sorority girl.  They are trying to be like anyone who is popular and hiding what is classically wonderful about themselves.

Milano doesn’t need to dip into every fad.  They are timeless and classic.  They need only introduce themselves to each succeeding generation.  They can stand on the recipe and live forever.

They should be above the sort of body shot trampiness that comes from the Oreos side of the aisle.  NOT that I don’t love me some trampy Oreos.  Lets face it.  Tramps are fun.  But if your natural way is not being a tramp, don’t try it.  You cannot compete with double stuffed tramp camp that Oreos works with such genuineness.

Milanos are Genteel Ladies of Easy Virtue and Convenience.  They really don’t know how to work a bar of men for free drinks and possible bathroom sex.  And their attempts at that kind of flash with silly things like “Salted Caramel” don’t always come off.  Better to avoid the embarrassment.

Obviously being genteel is not as much fun a doing flaming body shots with wild bunch of bikers, but not everyone is an Oreo.  And if you’re not, you look like an idiot trying to be.

However, to save them any feelings of awkwardness, I will, of course, finish the bag.  I don’t like to make them feel bad.

 

Breaking patterns.

I just watched this rather lovely video on how the ancient chinese philosophers considered rituals a way to break the mindless habits/patterns that we have burned into our life.

I have recently become very aware of how the breaking of patterns shifts my mental energy. I unexpectedly had to change my desk at work. Moving the desk meant all of my mindless work patterns had to change. And that meant that I was constantly being brought into the current moment to act on a tiny thing because my normal thoughtless reach and grab habit was not working. The thing I was reaching for was somewhere else.

On the one hand it’s annoying, but I found that I was also more… energetic, more aware of my space and my co-workers. It made the job less rote because the pattern of small actions was drastically changed. I think this idea of having a break in patterns is important to keeping me focused and positively engaged in my life, rather than wandering and reacting.

Do things up differently.  Be in a different space.  Use different utensils.  Eat different things.  It makes me more mindful.  And since the days of sunshine in my life are limited, I need to find ways to be more aware of them.  More deeply engaged in them, rather than drifting aimlessly and thoughtlessly through them.

The problem with the “do it differently” thing is that habits, ingrained deeply in my life,  are the thing that drag me through the dark abyss.  When I’m in abyss, the stillness of my life is profound.  I don’t do things no matter how much I think about doing it.  So I make habits that will push me through once I take the first step.  And most days I can manage a first step.  Some days I can’t but most days…

And so I need to make sure that while I break up patterns, that I don’t break the good patterns, those habits that keep me tethered to living a reasonable life. Because there be dragons beyond some these patterns.

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Francisco Garces – La Furia Helada

 

 

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

That’s what its called.  A book by Marie Kondo about how to implode my very fragile mental stability.  I say this from just reading the table of contents.

She appears to endorse

  • A tidying marathon:  Designed to kill me or send me to the darkest deepest parts of the Abyss of Stillness.  But I realize not everyone is working under the duress of Depression.  So Maybe for some people.
  • Says tidying a bit each day means you tidy forever:  Yeah but – you tidy forever either way, right?  Unless she has found a way around entropy?  💩
  • Storage Experts are Hoarders:  Uhm. Well, I’m NOT an expert.  So.  That shut her up.
  • What you don’t need, your family doesn’t need either:  Wow.  I’m single and I can see all kinds of things wrong with that statement.  Narcissistic Cleaning – I didn’t even know it was a thing. 💩
  • Sorting papers – Rule of thumb – Discard Everything.  – As the girl who recently paid $50 for 2 copies of her birth certificate, a piece of paper she definitely had 3 years ago before she was homeless and much of her life was thrown away – I cannot endorse this philosophy.  💩
  • Small change: Make ‘into my wallet’ your motto:  I don’t have a wallet. But coins are easy to pitch into a Coinstar. It’s costly but ultimately less costly than not spending them at all.   Which I don’t.
  • Make tidying a special event, not a daily chore:  That’s crazy pants.  Does she know the conditions that people (OK, I’m talking about me) will allow themselves to live in. This is NOT a good plan. 💩
    Also – and I don’t like to heap on the criticism – but cleaning is not a Holiday like event for me.  I mean who thinks it is?  Unless she meant it like a “Very Special Episode of Blossom”  But we all know those were Tearfests.

I’m sure she means well, but I think she is basically just playing into the hands of people whose lives are out of control and want someone to tell them its OK to live out of control as long as once in awhile you have a Very Special Blossom Episode of Cleaning.

This is the delusion that people who let their homes escalate into chaos live in already.  I know.  I have lived that delusion in my twenties.  Its a bad and horrible drowning feeling.  And depression just plays right into that madness.

In fairness to her, there are several chapters that I think probably offer advice I could use.

  • Clothing Storage: Fold it right and solve your storage problems: I have always suspected this is true.
  • How to fold:  I’m seriously contemplating buying the book just to read this chapter. 💰
  • Keep things because you love them, not just because. Sounds suspicious but I’m willing to listen.
  • Designate a place for everything.  This is already a mantra in my life.  I cannot stand having things without a home, even if its not in the home, it should have one.
  • Discard First, Store Later.  At first glance illogical but I think shes not talking about the same item, but the process as a whole.
  • How to identify what is truly precious.  This is what was driving me batty me all day. So maybe I would buy it for this.  But if she is so loco on fundamentals, can I trust her on this?  I think… NOT.

Anyway, I’m afraid I can’t recommend this book, I haven’t read.  Giving it a 2 star rating based on no more than the table of contents.

Take the review at your own risk.

Have A Plan

I cannot tell you how deeply I think this is true.  It is advice I spew at the children who work in my office all the time.  Don’t just think of the goal.

Think about the plan.  The steps.

I also cannot tell you how often I fail at this very very good advice.

Today was one of those days.  I had a plan for the Pantry.  What would would happen in what order.

I didn’t have a plan for the chaos that now exists and so every time my timer goes off I just sort of faff about without accomplishing much.  For example I just threw a bunch of dusty tupperware into soapy water.  I want to use it for the all the pasta I have accumulated but which is all in different sizes boxes and it looks crappy and it’s harder to store efficiently.

This is actually NOT addressing chaos.  This is fine tuning the already done Pantry.  I’m doing this because I don’t have a step by step on dealing with the chaos, so I’m not doing it.

Admitting it is the first step – so, there.  It’s done.  Admitted.

Now we must create a plan.  What will happen everytime the timer goes off.  Small 5 minute tasks that can get done every 20 minutes or so.  If you are looking at cleaning out a closet or corner or room, I suggest this method.  I do it for everything in my life, but for normal adjusted people it helps with overwhelming projects.  You don’t exhaust yourself, you don’t overwhelm yourself with one task.  All of it is doable.  And usually transferable.  If you don’t get it all done today, the list of tasks remains and can be continued one at a time later.

In my case, there is no reason not get it all done today.  It’s not that big a problem.  Even without labels.  Which I think we all realize is the real barrier to finishing this project.

I’m running a deeply important poll.

You should participate.

Its on Twitter, that’s how you know it really matters.

Also, it’s about Labels.  These are important questions at important times in my life.

Also, I may need to buy labels in order to continue organizing my closets.

Also, for full disclosure purposes I must tell you, I may be using polls and blog posts as a way to defer ACTUALLY doing the reorg of the closet.  It’s possible.  Hard data on that point has not been fully tabulated.