Salted Caramel & Chocolate Milanos: A Review

caramelmilano-01I have now eaten 2 cookies and feel fully qualified to give my naturally biased review.

I’m a bit disappointed.

I’m going to finish the bag.  Obviously.  I’m not disgusted and they ARE Milano, which I maintain are the pinnacle of pre-packaged manufactured cookies.  I think they have no real competition.

However, the current “salted caramel” tastes like a desperate and recently jilted sorority girl.  They are trying to be like anyone who is popular and hiding what is classically wonderful about themselves.

Milano doesn’t need to dip into every fad.  They are timeless and classic.  They need only introduce themselves to each succeeding generation.  They can stand on the recipe and live forever.

They should be above the sort of body shot trampiness that comes from the Oreos side of the aisle.  NOT that I don’t love me some trampy Oreos.  Lets face it.  Tramps are fun.  But if your natural way is not being a tramp, don’t try it.  You cannot compete with double stuffed tramp camp that Oreos works with such genuineness.

Milanos are Genteel Ladies of Easy Virtue and Convenience.  They really don’t know how to work a bar of men for free drinks and possible bathroom sex.  And their attempts at that kind of flash with silly things like “Salted Caramel” don’t always come off.  Better to avoid the embarrassment.

Obviously being genteel is not as much fun a doing flaming body shots with wild bunch of bikers, but not everyone is an Oreo.  And if you’re not, you look like an idiot trying to be.

However, to save them any feelings of awkwardness, I will, of course, finish the bag.  I don’t like to make them feel bad.


12 thoughts on “Salted Caramel & Chocolate Milanos: A Review

  1. I think they should take it even more over the top: Milano salted caramel chocolate double dipped with white “chocolate”, honey peanut sprinkle and an inner layer of kale — just for health!

    Anyway, here’s a commercial (29 secs) I saw today — thought it was funny:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The theory seems sound. Its all about balance the good stuff with the bad. But I don’t think I could enjoy the donut after the gag reflex of the green shake. eek. Why do people make food grosser?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hysterical!
    I visit the States every other year and each time there is the”New Thing To Taste”. This last time it was “Salted Caramel Ice Cream” (and it was truly glorious!) You are so right in zooming in on Milano’s dubious attempt to jump on the bandwagon. Such embarrassing opportunism.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That description of Milanos is pretty much the description of me! Glad you will finish the bag though. Don’t know the brand so can’t say much.:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, that is tragic in the case of Milanos.

      I think you only like Oreos if you grew up with Oreos because they are basically… Well lard, sugar and some kind of black die that I think might be why they taste “oreoish” They SAY they are chocolate sandwich cookies cookies, but I seriously doubt if there is any actual chocolate in them. They are, for all that, seriously addicting and fun.

      But Milanos… That is a taste anyone, at anytime, can enjoy.

      Liked by 1 person

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