Creepy Behavior

Friendly Man walks into the room and asks a woman he finds attractive if she she was up all night with her boyfriend.

Friendly Man walks up to a woman at work and tells her she looks hot today.

Friendly Man walks up to a woman he knows casually and give her shoulders a rub.

Friendly Man walks up to a woman and asks her if she’s ever been to the Porn Shop downtown?  They have a sale on today!

I could probably fill a post with these generic examples, or the women reading this could fill up the comments with the hundreds of examples of behavior that is frankly part of a normal life for  woman but is CREEPY BEHAVIOR.

Women are expected to think that all these things are compliments to us.  And many of us have internalized that expectation.

And because it’s supposed to be a compliment, a woman who raises any issue on the subject will be perceived as a bitch.  Unfriendly, rude, hysterical, feminista, hard to work with, angry,… the list goes on.

But believe me, we KNOW that we will be considered the bad guy in any effort we make to keep men from giving us unwanted attention.  And the vast majority of us say nothing during those uncomfortable moments.  Some have become so inured to the culture they manage to feel complimented.  But most of us feel the creepiness wafting off the guy like a stink.  But we will still give an awkward laugh, a stilted comment or an abrupt change of subject.

If you are a straight man, and you want to avoid being a creep, run your interactions with female acquaintances or casual friends through the following filter – Would I say this to a man?

If you wouldn’t say it or do it to a man, don’t do it to a woman you aren’t romantically involved with.

It’s really that simple.

If you are fine with women thinking your a creep, calling you a creep when you leave the room and just generally agreeing behind your back that you have a creepy stink, then ignore the advise.  But one day you will run into someone who will call  you a creep to your face.  And believe me, they will only be echoing the words that have been said behind your back dozens of times.

If you want to approach a woman for a possible romantic encounter, treat it just like you would treat approaching a friend to do a thing neither one of you have done before.  Not your best friend, just a guy you know but don’t socialize with.  That level of distance and and friendly deference to their situation and interest in the thing.

Don’t use movies as your playbook.  We do not want to be “pursued” when we say no.  There is a reason we call that stalking, it’s because it feels predatory to us.  You only hurt any future chance you might have had with that kind of action.

Creepy behavior is so normalized that we pretend it doesn’t exist.  But it does.  And it’s harassment.  But no one wants to say that.  Women certainly don’t because we will NOT be looked on favorably for saying it.  And men don’t want to because there is a indefinable sense of entitlement to treat women as beings designed for their pleasure.

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3 thoughts on “Creepy Behavior

  1. This is timely. My wife said a guy came up to her at the gym today and said that I (meaning me) looks tired. “You must have worn him out last night!” Neither of us know him other than some face we see regularly most mornings. God knows what he’d have said to her by now if she was single. Instead he found it safe and possibly even “clever” to refer to me in his in appropriate remark. Sadly, I’m not sure this behavior will ever end in my lifetime anyway. – Marty

    Liked by 1 person

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