Canadian Geese.   

goose201I am not a fan.

I used to think they were nice until I worked someplace that had three ponds, two in front of the entrance to the building, requiring me to navigate a narrow path that held a multitude of geese.   And that’s when I realized that Canadian Geese are really just militant bat shit crazy birds.

Trust me on this.   They are evil and they plotting to take over the suburbs.  It’s just a matter of time before they are elected to government positions.

DON’T be fooled by adorable pictures.  These are asshole birds.  AND they have no self regulation on their sanitary habits.  In other words, geese poop all over the damn place.

I have advice for those of you young novices on how to deal with goose patrols.  NEVER show any weakness.  NEVER.  Look them in the eye and keep walking toward your objective, even if they are in the way.  They expect you to walk around.  But that is weakness.  Do not do it.  They will move.

If you show weakness they will attack for arbitrary reasons that no doubt seem valid in their brains.  But since their brains are the size of peanut, we can assume there is no valid reason.  So don’t show weakness.

If one attacks or shows aggression, it will mark you to all the others.  So never show weakness.

I’ll be honest.  It is only the strictest sense of animal loving integrity that stops me from buying a shot gun and slaughtering them wholesale.  They are dicks.

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10 thoughts on “Canadian Geese.   

  1. I went shopping the other day there there was a few geese hanging out in the parking lot. They did not move as I approached but I kept my distance because I know they can get aggressive. Do the males and females look the same? That seems odd considering how different male and female ducks are.

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  2. They are little ass holes and I have around 20 of those little fu$#=@$ living in my pond outback. They can act as cocky as they want b/c if the zombie apocalypse ever happens, guess what will be our primary food source? Yep! Daffy, Donald, Huey and any other quacker….

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  3. Dodging goose shit on my asphalt driveway from these birds is not fun. 200 yards from me is a retention area, sometimes pond which the geese can have, but no. They prefer driveways, sidewalks and my lawn. Shooting them is illegal. Even dogs don’t scare them. Thanks for the post. It saves me the time to write one about these nasty creatures.

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  4. Reblogged this on Rotten Ray's Ramblings and commented:

    This post saves me the trouble of saying the same thing. I used to hunt deer in southern Illinois and goose hunting was/is big down there. These geese belong in those fields and are beautiful WHERE THEY BELONG, which is not on my driveway.

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