Amazon is drunk. Someone call a taxi.

I clicked on “My Amazon” – which is a list of recommendations based on my viewing history.  Its seemed kind of OK.  And then it became clear that Amazon was abusing the punch bowl at this party.

First was the insult.tumblr_inline_o3xvjlc1251rnoq8u_540

Then it got that weird thing where things don’t add up:tumblr_inline_o3xvpslrmb1rnoq8u_540

And then it just stopped making any sense AT ALL:tumblr_inline_o3xvrjxosf1rnoq8u_540

And then things just got to be freaky creepy: tumblr_inline_o3xvtxb1ir1rnoq8u_540

Someone REALLY needs to call the taxi for Amazon.

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10 thoughts on “Amazon is drunk. Someone call a taxi.

  1. FYI: Amazon pays other companies for the information they gather on your internet habits. If you pause on a page, it’s noted. If you click on a link, it’s noted. It you hit Like, follow someone, or use certain words on Twitter, it’s noted. If you buy anything, it’s especially noted.

    It all goes into a bunch of zany algorithms that try to predict what you might buy in the future based on what other people with your habits have bought. Amazon is horny as a honey badger for this info.

    Creepy Moment: I searched the internet for weeks for a particular style of leather messenger bag I wanted. I found it, bought it, and the very next day half the “suggestions” and ads that popped up on my favorite sites were for that very bag. (Insert Twilight Zone Music)

    Even if you don’t have your webcam on, everybody is watching you…and taking notes. Not a damned thing is private on the internet. I saw this coming years ago and wisely never signed up for Facebook, the greatest information whore of them all. Be vewy, vewy careful hunting wabbits out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah – but why isn’t categorizing the suggestions properly. That why its freaky.

      It put a self help book about memorizing in Religion. It put a biography about a pornographer in Parenting, it put a series of fantasy fiction in Social & Political Studies. That is what makes me feel like Amazon is drunk.

      I know google etal are following my clicks and trying to use them to make me buy stuff, but something is wrong in data categories at Amazon. And its funny as hell.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you again today. Just when I get a teeny, weeny, inkling about signing up for FB, I read something like what you’ve written. Thank you again for affirming my staying away from FB and Twitter and LinkedIn … I do admit I’ve got a Pinterest account … hope that’s not too bad. I try to censor myself ALL the time … but like you said, you never know who’s looking for something. Oy vey! Life.

      Like

      1. I’m afraid Pinterest is One Of Them (so is WordPress) but you can lessen the damage by simply avoiding the Like button. Tell people you appreciate them the old-fashioned way with, you know, kind words.

        I’m living proof that all this works. To date, all forms of my legal name have zero online presence and it’s gonna stay that way. I also enjoy zero ads, spam, trolls, and telemarketers. I sleep very well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oops, I just pressed the “like” button. I should have just told you I like what you’ve said.

        I think I have self-censored my Pinterest site pretty well … I think it’s pretty tame … I could be wrong though.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. If you shop online at all – you are prey. Whether you avoid FB or liking on pintrest.

        And since I vastly prefer my life online, I don’t try to hide from the click hunters. I’m not afraid of the marketers.

        I’m more worried about the government, but its not like I can hide from their eyes unless I get offline and move into the woods. Ironically that would cause more interest to them than my current normal use of the internet.

        Its the life we live – and its a damn nice life comparatively, so I’m not going make myself too paranoid over it. Being aware of it, and making my voice heard when the government intrudes is the most I’m going to do .

        Like

  2. And worse yet, can you imagine IF you bought ALL these weird recommended books, built a fake ha-ha library and had a friend over to see your “beloved” book collection?! The look on their face would be priceless … of course, you’d probably be friendless … but hey, it’s just a fun though to muse.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Easy. Because people interested in self-help stuff also tend to be consumers of “spiritual” stuff like yoga, aromatherapy, and the Bible. Bookstores conveniently lump it all together, so to databases. You always see the self-help books shelved next to metaphysics, spirituality, and religion. They know their customers. That’s why NASCAR and Huntin’ Things Magazine is way over there on the other side of the store next to the dirty joke books and dudes never see a coupon for Yankee Candle pop up while they’re streaming porn. Well, most guys.

    And speaking of porn, it’s long been a fear and concern of mommy bloggers, parenting magazines, etc. and has appeared in their articles ad nauseam under the heading of pedophilia. That’s just a few degrees of separation away from spring fashion for toddlers: Mommies terrified of pornography will click on articles about pedophilia which leads them to articles about child snatching with directs them to children’s safety which takes them to an ad about wearing bright colors this spring. Weird as it sounds, Mom has just been conditioned to purchase bright pink Keds for little Sasha because she’ll be easier to spot when the Amber Alert hits the news. Ching, ching!

    Social and political studies and fantasy fiction can be tied together in so many ways, there aren’t enough Gigs in WordPress to handle the size of the comments box. Go one step further into science fiction and it’d break the internet.

    Remember, companies are looking for things that appear together, not rationalization. They really don’t care WHAT the connection is, they just know it’s there from the data. If an article about spray tans causing buttcheek cancer started trending next week, every Kim Kardashian story on the internet would cause ads for cancer-fighting herbal remedies AND tanning creams to skyrocket. Both things are technically getting clicked when people click that article, therefor people who “like” cancer also like “fake tans” and “Kardashian ass.” Clickety, click, click, motherfuckers.

    Like

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