I had lots of exciting plans for this weekend…
OK. Exciting might possibly be hyperbole. I had plans. To organize and clean and cook.
And now the lifesucking weekend is here and I can already feel it is going to be a battle.
I may be the only person in the world who does not like weekends. Or to be more precise – days off.
I need days off. But when they arrive I stop moving. And all productive things happen only if all the stars align, if I implement a process of timers and lists and and my brain isn’t using the ONE RING* to ruin my life.
My life is a strange dichotomy. At work, I’m very productive. I do things both required and not required. But when I leave work, it all falls apart. I want so much to transfer the way I am at work to the rest of my life. But I have yet to figure out the way to do that.
To be clear – depression/anxiety doesn’t disappear at work. I still struggle with focus and make ridiculous mistakes because of it. I have elaborate quality check processes because of this.
I still isolate at work. I keep my back to the room, and don’t socialize much when I’m at work. People will talk to me and I will respond with my back to them. I’m not acting like a normal person there.
But I do get things done. And I mostly don’t get stuff done at home. I sit in bed all day, playing on the internet or reading.
Anyway, I’m going to begin the battle to make things happen today. First the list.
*ONE RING: Used to “rule them all” or to ruin my life with Anxiety/Depression.