I have had a rather bad few weeks. My current job has become somewhat untenable due to their choice of insurance.
Which is to say, my anger at their choice of insurance. They have chosen to use minimum required insurance. Until this, I had decent insurance through the Marketplace. The upshot is that they are saving money by taking it out of my pocket.
This is untenable for me financially in the long term. I don’t make much money and will end up in a spiralling debt if I keep the job and try to continue to keep up with my health issues.
So I’m looking for a job. Which is a cesspool of anxiety for me. I have imploded from it. But this morning I got an interview scheduled with a company. This is a huge step. Its a terrifying step. But its a grand brave step and I did it.
And it also means that despite all the things my brain keeps saying to me, I do at least have sufficient qualifications to be called in for an interview.
And it means that I’m helping myself in a situation that feels so overwhelming to me. That’s a special feature of depression and anxiety, they distort situations so that you feel like normal steps to help yourself are impossible. And my brain has been working overtime on that feature. But this interview is like a lifeline. I may not get the job but existence of an interview provides tangible evidence that there is a way out of my situation. One interview means its possible that other interviews can happen. And that eventually I can get a better job.
So I’m smiling about the path, the lifeline that is symbolized by this job interview. There is a way out. I just have to keep running down the path and remember it.