of what it is acceptable for women to say.
Do you know how cultural standards get put into place? Our monkey brains just process what is happening around us and without even thinking about it we learn and accept what the role of everyone is. We absorb a lot of that stuff on TV, in movies, on the internet and of course in observing the interactions around us. We mimick each other and these roles for people just get drilled deeper and deeper into our heads. And we never even think about it.
I was raised by a bitch. I say this with love and someday I will share my mother and her strength with you. But while it wasn’t always enjoyable it taught me several things.
If you don’t like something Don’t Put Up With It.
But you see that isn’t the acceptable role for women. If you won’t put up with it, you are labeled a bitch. Not putting up with it doesn’t fit the social role of women today.
Women are consistently reinforced in roles that are submissive and told that we are connectors, cultivators, supporters and that we make everyone FEEL better. That is what we are told our strength is. Go to a diversity leadership seminar – that’s what they will say.
Do you know WHY we have to create such elaborate processes for sexual harassment? Because the ENTIRE rest of society is putting women in the role of ‘shut up and just accept it.’ Because the society has told men that its OK to treat a woman as an object to be touched or casually sexualized. That’s their role.
Imagine if society was different. What if the role that women fill included an immediate response of “get your hands off me and keep them off.” or “Don’t talk like that to me again.” Today, a man saying that does not feel incongruous. A woman doing it is a bitch.
Imagine if women didn’t feel even slightly odd or worried about marching into HR and creating a report that could get someone fired because there was no predisposition that suggested that this was NOT the role of connector and a supporter. What if there wasn’t even a whiff of possibility of her own culpability in just being a woman who was present at the time of the incident of her own harassment?
If we changed the acceptable role of women and men – we would stop A LOT of this Creeper behavior in its tracks. Most of it rolls along because men get no immediate resistance. Because women have been socialized to internally cringe, find socially acceptable ways to avoid, to wait until its many layers beyond disgusting to even consider filing a complaint.
The numberless times that women don’t even do more than half laugh and create an awkward pause when some idiot says something creepy is perpetuating the problem, teaching creepers that their ridiculous behavior is normal. And the reason that we do that is because society has taught us to shut up and not make waves. And breaking out of a socialized role is deeply hard. And that doesn’t even take into consideration the particular path of that woman’s life which may add even more barriers to her resistance.
Its a self perpetuating cycle.
Well, I for one, intend to just be the fucking bitch. The rest of the world can just get used to it. Its awkward, its uncomfortable and its unfair. But creepers… fuck em. I’m taking them down as I see them. No prisoners.
Maybe by next generation my bitchiness can be the norm. And no one will think women are being a bitch because they don’t accept it when their boss calls them darling, their coworker asks if they plan to get laid tonight and the guy at the bar tries to give an unwanted massage.
Maybe because its normal to call a man on his creeper behavior we will have fewer creepers in the following generation.
I have a dream of no creepy.