Boycott Kellogg’s Cornflakes!!

I started 40 years ago when I realized the world also contained Captain Crunch and Cocoa Krispies, but still, a statement must be made.

John Harvey Kellogg invented corn flakes to stop people from masturbating.  I know!  Its horrible.  I can’t imagine why he was so against it.  Maybe he was doing it wrong?

Still, Corn Flakes are clearly an epicenter of sexual oppression.  Or at least get in the way of a good time.  Or something…

Anyway, we need to show that dead sexually repressed man a thing or two.

Stop the Madness – Don’t buy Corn Flakes, People!!!!

OK.  Are they are sending mixed messages here or is that just my imagination?  Because, frankly, Mr. Phelps is a mastabatory epicenter for many many people.  And I’m just saying this just doesn’t seem consistent with the previous Kellogg’s Corn Flake info.

I mean John Harvey Kellogg had a personality that would certainly stop masturbation cold.  And his face is NOT on any of the boxes. 

They are putting Michael Phelps and a particularly odd chicken on the boxes.

Also, I’m really not sure how the chicken relates.  Do chickens masturbate?  I think this chicken may be a masturbating king.  And I think we all know its partying downstairs to things that John Harvey Kellogg probably never even dreamed were possible.  Poor Man.

Maybe Poor John Harvey was just a victim of an age without Google.  I mean until we have been properly exposed, as it were, to the infinite variety of pleasurable perversions, we may never find our maturbatory niche.  Maybe we should be lamenting the sadness of his painfully hands free genitalia.

Well, I’m not sure where the modern Corn Flakery People stand on the subject of self pleasure, but let’s be safe.  Don’t eat them.  They taste like wall paper anyway.  The Captain always was a better time.