It’s rainy and blowing.

I  love to be cozy in bed when it raining and am extra delighted by the wind.  It’s just a feeling of cozy safety to be inside and warm in such weather.  It touches on that deepest hindbrain feeling that comes from ancestors who had to deal with weather directly, living out in it.  To know I am not out in it, but safe inside is lovely.

I have a tin roof over my balcony area.  Rain on tin roofs is also a lovely sound.  It seems to hit a note in my head that resonates nicely.  Happily the place I work also has a metal roof and so I get that lovely noise quite often.

I had a lot of anxiety dreams last night.  And woke up to one that kept it’s hand on my chest even after waking.  In those moments, finding a thing I can deliberately delight in, is a path away from from the anxiety.  I usually have to look for it.  Because my mindset was already in anxiety, a significant portion of my brain wanted to consign the noise of this rain into the anxiety.  But I know that I have always enjoyed that noise while in bed.  So I recalled and considered that past delight until it arrived in the present.

This post is part of the process.  Sometimes the delight does not come spontaneously.  Sometimes it needs to be pulled out of the ground like a paleontologist pulls out a dinosaur bone.  Much digging into my memory, much slow and deliberate brushing off of that remembered feeling, much consideration of where the delight belongs in the moment I’m living right now.

It doesn’t always work.  But it seems to have done today.  The pressure is off my chest.