Grumpy Sara’s Opinion of Amatuer Fireworks…

If I were Empress of the World, Fireworks would only be allowed in the hands of professionals.  Not to protect the idiots.  That’s just a random benefit.  This is because they IRRITATE me.

I just don’t get them.  They are noisy and entirely anticlimactic in backyards all over America.  One gets set off, and may indeed be momentarily sparkly, but now you have to wait 10 minutes while a group of boozy people huddle about and organize another one.  And let’s face it, that sparkle, that one rocket of sparkles, it wasn’t that great compared to the professional show of artistry that the City puts on.

And then there’s the noise.  Now I recognize that the noise is why a huge number of people like the damn things, but the noise is what I hate.  It’s actually not the noise, it’s the UNEXPECTED noise.  I will spend this entire weekend jumping because of the bangs and pops that will go off all around me.

Because of my Anxiety, I startle embarrassingly easily.  So when it’s a noise that would startle anyone, I move toward the precipice of Panic.

So, in my role as your Empress, I would probably just ban them from everyday citizens.  However, I would compromise by making it illegal to set them off except on pre-designated nights.

AND you would have to have a signed note from your lover that you don’t have issues with premature… firing.

If you shoot off any night prior to the night of the designated Holiday, you will be fined.  Money will be given to the local GAD society.

If you shoot off anytime on any day when it is still light out, you will be publically humiliated for being unable to control your premature firing of rockets.  And fined. Naturally.

Damn, I’m so crotchety.  It’s just a silly thing that people love to do and I’m the person telling everyone to shut up and get off my lawn.

But, really, STOP with the damn fireworks.  One just went off while I was typing this.  2pm on July 2nd.  They’ve been going off for a week.  They will go off for 2 weeks after.

grrrrrrr.

 

17 thoughts on “Grumpy Sara’s Opinion of Amatuer Fireworks…”

  1. It will be a busy night in the ERs. Alcohol, testosterone and fireworks are a dangerous combination. My wife has a cousin that blew off his hand. Ain’t that a bitch.

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    1. Yeah. Its inevitable. I used to think the US was just full of idiots until I saw what happens on New Year’s Eve in Manila. Totally unregulated and it’s a beautiful catastrophe of idiocy. I imagine the entire city will burn the ground before too many more Years pass. It catches fire every year now, they’ve just miraculously contained it. But the odds aren’t working in their favor on this.

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  2. This maybe a bad time to bring this up but that whole Declaration of Independence thing was supposed to be read on July 2nd, not July 4th. They met in a second floor room on an extremely hot day. So I would blame Thomas Jefferson for the inconvenience this has caused. Actually, I like my fingers where they are located so, fireworks aren’t my thing to set off.

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      1. That’s why we stuck with the fourth of July, we don’t like celebrating anything that is second. I’m guessing the rocketeers spent their whole allowance and maybe tomorrow will be quiet

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  3. I’ve gone through a lot of phases regarding fireworks:

    When I was a kid, I would often visit my uncle who lived out in the country in Oklahoma. He purchased thousands of $ of fireworks. He made his own show and as kids, we got to do a lot of hands on little stuff. Sparklers, snakes, roman candles, blah, blah, blah. My uncle likes noise of all kinds — guns, etc. He now has a hearing loss no surprise.

    I also liked the city fireworks display as a teen. It was always crowded. My dad would take a friend (girl) and me almost every year. I secretly wished to meet some boy during these displays (it never happened). The local symphony would play … I enjoyed that non-jarring classic music by talented professional musicians.

    Then, in my mid 20s early 30s, I no longer liked firework displays. I found them noisy, crowded and just well, not my cup of tea. It’s funny how when you’re a kid or young you think you’ll like the things you like forever.

    Nowadays, my cats get scared and sometimes hide. I stay away from the city display — terribly crowded, horrible parking, loud music, drunken people, loud music … the list goes on.

    It’s just one day where my husband and I go to a local neighborhood party with picnic food and simple beer … talking and catching up — about 20 people max. My friend usually medicates her dogs (the friend who always has the yearly parties). The party isn’t late, it’s not crowded, there’s no music and it’s usually hot as hell (Texas Baby!).

    Anyway, I hope this year isn’t too bad for you. Do you have pets? Please forgive me if I don’t remember this detail about you.

    🙂 Strength & understanding sent your way!
    Elizabetcetera

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  6. Good ideas. And I agree with you nintey-nine and a half. No fireworks, and most especially not set off by chldren. the number of injuries to children and drunks per year alone is the reason. with one small exception. The look on a child’s face when they hold a sparkler is worth it. Sparklers should be allowed. But only sparklers.

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  7. It lasts at least a week here. Not sure what the attraction is. The home ones are more about noise than pretty colors. My cats spend the evening safely under the bed wondering why humans are idiots.

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