Somedays I feel like the Outsider

I am single.  I want to remain single.

But a good deal of what I see on the internet is what most of the world wants – marriage or how to find a marriageable human.

I don’t own a TV.  I don’t want one.  I do occasionally watch a show on Netflix or something.

But a good deal of what I see on the internet is about some TV show.

I am a blob.  I rarely move except to get to work and to get home from work.  This is depression.

But a good deal of what I see on the internet is about people traveling or exercising or going to bar/party/restaurant.

Most days I don’t even notice this.  But today I am acutely aware that I am not the norm.  That I don’t fit any of the standards.  I on the outside.

I’m not sure why it normally doesn’t bother me, but today it feels like I’m standing awkwardly at a party I accidentally crashed.

7 thoughts on “Somedays I feel like the Outsider”

  1. I own a TV, but only use it to cast my Netflix. I have no broadcast service. I am also happy being single, and don’t know if I would get married even if I met someone perfect for me in the future. I am not depressed, but I’ve been there. Here is hoping that you get out. Also, it is good to be outside the norm when the norm is a little messed up.

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  3. Please remember you are comparing your real world to a spit-polished version of someone’s Sunday dressed life. Those people on Facebook and other social medal are not sharing that things are not as smooth as they seem. They are like the duck on water, lovely and calm on top, but paddling like hell below. I am not saying anyone does not have the right to feel the way the do, just remember you are not alone. Life is not perfect, but it is the only we have, so let’s make the best of it.

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  4. waves from the corner of the same party where I’m standing not quite behind the Ficus It sounds trite, but you are who you are. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to practice self-acceptance and love. Not the self-help kind of deal, but the deep down, eye’s wide open, took me years to do, kind of deal where I looked my quirks, warts, strengths, weaknesses, etc. in the eye and told them I forgive, accept, and LOVE them ALL. There’s nothing WRONG with how you feel, what you do or don’t do and anyone who attempts to ‘make’ you feel differently needs to go kick rocks. Your inner critic included. Whatever it is in your head that spouts off negatively about you, tell it to shut the hell up as often as you can. It’s lying to you. goes back to not quite hiding behind the Ficus

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  5. You can’t be THAT much of an outsider … you have Facebook, don’t you?

    I feel like an outsider; I don’t have Facebook. If we all sit down and scrutinize ourselves, I’m sure we can all get to the point of feeling like an outsider in many aspects.

    Anyway, I’ll be that outsider with you … now you’re not so outside, are you? 🙂

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    1. I don’t do Facebook either. I have NO desire to know that much about real life friends and relatives. And I definitely don’t want them to know about my life. And then – people from elementary school contacting me – What the EVER LIVING FUCK is that about?

      I’m fairly antisocial, as you can see. And most of the time, I’m oblivious to it. But every once in a while…

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      1. Yeah, FB … I have had weird spying things happen. I have gotten advice and been misconstrued. Me and FB — BAD BAD BAD mix. FB, me and wine — a horrible mix — I get all sassy pants ‘n’ stuff.

        One situation went like this:

        A FEMALE FRIEND: Why are you communicating w/ old boyfriend X? That’s dangerous!

        ME: (no response, deletes contact w/ old boyfriend X who I couldn’t care less about, automatically shames self for doing something someone else doesn’t approve of)

        … time passes

        OLD BOYFRIEND: Hey, why did you unfriend me?!!!!! Ok, whatever, that’s what you want to do (anger undertones).

        UGH! Hate FB and get reconfirmations at least weekly why I don’t ever go back.

        ME: (no response, thinking Oi Vey, I really didn’t want to unfriend you, but now I don’t want to have this angry conversation w/ you, refriend you and try to smooth things over)

        I haven’t had a FB account for 4 years? I have peeped into the FB world through some others’ accounts and reconfirmed … not missing anything.

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