And it always has been.
But most of the time my mind is effective at filtering and ignoring the horror.
Today it is not. And all I can see is the terribleness of things that have happened, things that are still happening and the horrors keep inflicting themselves inside my brain.
I call this the crawls. Because I want to crawl outside my brain. To hide.
But I’m trapped in here.
It's a Thought 
I’m sorry.
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I know exactly what you are feeling and I will burst into tears at the slightest mention of something lately and I then begin to just worry about the future and what it holds and I fall deeper down the rabbithole.
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hugs
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